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Open Air

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  Today is a great day to go fishing in isolation. One reason I enjoy fishing in a body of water is the fresh air it provides—something that is impossible to breathe indoors. The open air is a supplement I grasp when the heat is booming. It is better when passing a track and seeing the Dirt Track Bandits . The country cannot go away from me. Although I’d prefer not getting dirt on me when the bandits drift, it is a pleasant sound to hear. It is my favorite noise to hear in commercials. The noise makes me powerful when most of the time I feel no strength in my blood. The open air is also the best bathroom. I’d rather pour my feces on grass than a toilet. I say this because when I did use a tree to squat, it was the most comfortable bathroom experience I’ve ever had. Outside is the best and worst place for romance too. Don’t believe me, watch Spider-Man or The Bridges of Madison County . It’s too bad my sensory issues block me from this scene coming to life. The open air comes wit...
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Heartthrob

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  When people are around others, many emotions come into play. Happy. Anger. Intimidation. Fearful. These are emotions that multiple people perceive around me, but there is also a sense of admiration. After learning my story there, in the middle of a heartthrob, My definition of a heartthrob is applauding someone in their head. I am happy that people are seeing the times. I visited The Heartbreak Hotel, but to them, I visited me. I am a resident of The Heartbreak Hotel. There is some heartbreak going on in my heart at the same time. There is pride, but I also hate to say this, but there is vengeance. I have done everything in my power to let the grudges go, but how can you when they made me want to be in a boiler room instead of an outdoor picnic? They make me feel as if I am morbid to everyone around me. My heart was throbbing when I was close to singing Whiskey Lullabies to myself, despite knowing the alcoholism in my genes. This narrative did allow personal benefits because the ...
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My 10 Hats

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Hat #1:Grandson  The first hat I wear is a grandson's. They respect me every day. Even though one will become a ghost, I know that while there was not a similar personality, there was love and loyalty. I just hope his shadow ends in the Everlasting Arms. Although that question is unanswered, the one answer I will give is that he will not be hearing Marley’s chain. There was so much you could take from this man, and I did learn it, but the lessons were never understood. Seeing him sick made me hit rock bottom, but I took control to be happy by attempting to see what I do have. What I do have are three healthy grandparents. Two of the three grandparents showed that love is not blood but unbreakable bonds that make you feel fulfilled. I have carried this because a dramatic change that I made is that some of my blood is from the friends that gave me safety, which is a request that I have been wanting for 15 years. In retrospect, they were the friends I had in childhood. To one of the g...
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You Thought You Knew Me

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  You thought you knew me. You NEVER DID! It is not only a piece of WWE Hall of Famer Edge’s theme song, but no one really knew me. What I really am is not what they saw. They saw a horse with a shattered limb. One can even argue that I had no leg at all. Everyone believed that they were the purpose, but everybody forgot to turn since there was a shark waiting to chomp. In 2018, I chomped on the meat that was flown down by a mysterious guardian angel. I still do not know who the guardian angel was. I’ve never said this to anyone, but I am now. During those 15 years of helplessness, I considered drinking illegally. I did not thank God, but it was still a close call. I thought if I went that route, I could pass out and sleep through the agony of walking down the hallway alone. It is a monster that is real. What no one thought of me was that I became so desperate that I was willing to be friends with the worst person and willing to accept deception in my life. I know this because it c...
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To....

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  To Principals….   You have a job that involves leadership and discipline, but some children with autism and other conditions have behaviors that need to either be helped or excused since they cannot be helped. It would have infuriated me if my best friend was sent to the principal’s office and punished for "skipping class." There are behaviors that aren’t acceptable and need a consequence, but it is also the principal’s job to meet the student where they are. I believe everyone secretly has an IEP when they enter the principal’s office. Case in point: we have student A and student B. The one link they have is that they both have anger issues. Student A has the classic anger issues that are not destructive and harmful, but student A just rants, and the most harmful thing he does is small pouting, but student B is a whole new ballgame. Student B is destructive and is not afraid to knock Mamma out. He also has an IEP for emotional behavior. Are we really going to scream at h...
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No Empathy

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  I have zero sympathy for you! That is what Americans hear when we do not have any empathy. That could be my catchphrase because there have been cases where I did not have empathy. It is not me being mean; that is part of my dry personality, but because of the dryness, I have made smart remarks that were not needed. I do give "tough love," but it is not for the worst. I do it because I respect you enough to say that this is what is going to happen. All I want to do is protect you from escalating, but the escalators go up, and when they stop, they see that it is too late to go back down. Examining myself, I think part of the reason I lack empathy is because of my self-confidence. When I tell the truth, I can get pushy, and they do not always take it well, and my confidence level has been low for the majority of my life. I feel that I have to make it right, even if that means making enemies. Make your choice to take my advice, because there will be no beating around the bush. ...
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The Podfest Feeling

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When my friend and I were kids, we always thought we were part of an LBI (Love and Bullying Investigation). Looking back on it, this was something I needed to do for my social anxiety. What we would do is look at the situation and determine if two people had crushes or if a person was getting bullied and not realizing bullying was occurring. It resembled my life because some knew I was head over heels while others bullied me. Instead of "small  talk," it was small bullying." The first time I felt I was in a group was at the 2022 Podfest, where attendees gave me a chance to share the work but also to be genuine, and there was no faking. It is a feeling I will never forget. Each time I thought promotion was done, I kept having one good one left. For the first time, I was the fisherman reeling in fish. The sad part was that it was short-lived because I had to come home. There was no way to tie them up to my hips. Unfortunately, they had a life, but I wish I could go back to...
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