Heartthrob

 When people are around others, many emotions come into play. Happy. Anger. Intimidation. Fearful. These are emotions that multiple people perceive around me, but there is also a sense of admiration. After learning my story there, in the middle of a heartthrob, My definition of a heartthrob is applauding someone in their head. I am happy that people are seeing the times. I visited The Heartbreak Hotel, but to them, I visited me. I am a resident of The Heartbreak Hotel. There is some heartbreak going on in my heart at the same time. There is pride, but I also hate to say this, but there is vengeance. I have done everything in my power to let the grudges go, but how can you when they made me want to be in a boiler room instead of an outdoor picnic? They make me feel as if I am morbid to everyone around me. My heart was throbbing when I was close to singing Whiskey Lullabies to myself, despite knowing the alcoholism in my genes. This narrative did allow personal benefits because the narrative helped with an introduction at age 16. It ignited a fire that firefighters could not put out. For the longest time, I never dreamed of my heart throbbing into a fire. My scars are burning with golden blood. Like any breakup, it was hard to break up with a version of yourself that made you feel weak but safe. I had to, or I would’ve been dead, but the guy who I was once is still planted in this nest. Why else would I feel comfortable in black? That being said, I also ask those who saw me as a cockroach who’s laughing now: Some are not lucky, though, because Sheldon hates birthday parties and Christmas’s. His birthday was because when he had parties, no one came, and he was not invited to any. He probably watched the neighborhood kids play, and although he proclaimed he was fine without friends, it still had to hurt. When his friends tried to help make amends with Sheldon’s fears, he ran into the bathroom because he was overwhelmed. You can bet money that Sheldon had a heartthrob. My heart throbs when I overthink, and it kills me because I want to make a choice to save my sanity, but going splat off a cliff does not only leave physical brutality but mental as well. On those days, I would rather be in a padded cell since the pads are soft and I can lay on my head. It is why I wish the walls in my room were softer. As they say, “you should never forget where you come from.” It comes with me everywhere I go, but now that I am in a Chevrolet, that makes me push the gas harder. It makes me a heartthrob. Let’s think about it: when someone pushes the gas in a truck, they have to push harder, or that truck is not moving. It’s the exact same. I was once driving a metaphorical car, but pushing on the gas pedal as hard as I could not only left me with a broken car, but it also led me to a ditch. But now I'm pushing on the gas pedal harder, and I’m staying on the road. Not only was I in the midst of a physical evolution, but I was also in the midst of a mental evolution. The people pleasing me didn’t do anything for me. I chose to make my own success, and it’s led to paparazzi on Facebook. During this shift, my heart throbbed. I still get to have my own privacy and “live alone,” and there are days I need it, but it is not staying on the podium. When my heart throbbed, it was not out of love; it was out of hatred. Carrie Underwood said that love wins. It doesn't happen all the time. Now, thankfully, I was able to be on the middle ground, but it's a view that people have to be careful with. I ran the risk of being completely hateful. I thought about telling my parents about the heartthrobbing going on, but I came to the conclusion that no one knows you like yourself, and this was something I had to do as an individual. My heartthrobbing made the change that did wonders for me. I had the privilege of going into vehicles, hugging someone other than blood, and creating a community, and it was strange because I did not know what to do with it. I forgot to figure that part out. I almost threw it out in the trash and went into the bathroom like Sheldon did. The fear came from bullying. When I am with my closest friends and peers, I still think it is all a lie. Don’t get me wrong, my heart throbs out of happiness when I’m in my presence, but the heartthrobs ask what ifs?. This is why I do my best not to speak to them, because it is possible I will speak. Even though they do deserve it, I can’t make myself relive the sorrow I felt. This is why I am intimated by females who are strangers. There are so many more possible intentions with a female than with a male. Go figure, though most of my friends are female. I still wonder why it went that way, since I walk around on eggshells with certain ones. That being said, when I am around my peers, my heart throbs, and it numbs the blackhole. At that moment, I felt nothing other than respect. It’s just sad that it lasts temporarily. My heart throbs when the time ends. What I am fearful of is that, as Johnny Cash says, “everyone I know goes away in the end.” If only the windshield wipers could stay up and have peach jelly on the toast from Monday through Friday. They both have consistency, and I would heartthrob if we could keep the same friends throughout our whole lives. My heart throbs when people come to the gala or our events. It shows that the child sitting by themselves at lunch is truly not alone. I wish I had my group back in 7th grade; my heart would’ve throbbed. No one deserves to have zero support. I did hit the lottery when it came to family and one friend, but I know there is someone out there who does not even have what I did. Could you argue that I am being greedy? Yes, but what I did not get if I was talkable was why I was not invited to Burger King. My heart throbs when I read Chapter 16 because it is organic. I never did anything dirty or took the back way out. I worked hard to get where I am socially. There are many who can attest to my statement. I have freedom that makes my heart throb, and I can say to enemies, “You're lost, and I don’t care as long as it’s over.” This freedom comes with consequences because I screwed up twice, and I’m afraid that I will screw over the wrong person. I can’t help it because when I screwed them, it made me want to cry, not for them but for me. It proves my deteriorating thought that I am a bad guy, but when they came back, we secretly told each other, “You are enough.” It is enough to put on a song at a conference and kill the dance mood, but I’m the only one enjoying myself. It’s enough to approach a school with over 100 students. I hope my growth continues and my heart will throb.