Unhealed

 In the land of Owensburg, Indiana, a boy has grown into a man who has yet to heal from his masked wounds. These are not the scratches you see after your dog takes a nice bite out of your human flesh. Instead, these are scars that have been left by those who should be with the villains themselves. When I see them, there is a chapter of the old me because they are in a mob, and while I chose a mob, I wish they could have turned a 180 as I could have given them a bond that they could only have once in their lifetime. The drugs are not from Dr. Feelgood. I am because everyone walks away with the feeling that they are their best selves when they stand side by side. I enjoy it because even though I made a trade, part of the trade was that I had to take some of my past life with me, and rejection has followed me as I’ve adapted to the feeling to where it is now. You might skim my greatness, but you will regret the choice after they see me and only my success. It is a way to rub it in and show that I do not care and you never knew me. When you help me unhealed, all I see is a cheater. A cheater who only wanted me for leverage, a cheater who just wanted to play with a toy, and a cheater who wanted me to die and not live. You might wonder if I have any compassion for them. The answer is no because they are just nats who will not leave me alone. They bite and suck the blood in the bite, and that is what some people did. I used to think they needed to know my name, but then I changed and saw that I am the only man that needs to know what he is constructing. To this day, when I see them, all I see are men and women that will do what they did to me. All I can do is wish luck to those who hop on their mob. Although I have the ones, there is still a grudge against them as all I wish to do is spit on them and erase my name from their diaries. What I do not understand is their satisfaction when they are biting the bone. Every chew gave me a tickle that broke me down, but now, thanks to me and them changing how I feel mentally, it is a tickle that I love every feeling of. Everyone wants to know how I got out of my rut. I always say the bear roared and snapped. I got the feeling that I grinned and said, "I have to do something." and I learned that if no one will give me respect, then I’m taking it. So instead of tumbling, I stuck to the tree, and I did not care if people saw me as a babyface or a heel, or even as both. I am staying where I am and if you choose to chat, "Your dumb asf," then I will laugh in your face and walk away. No one is a lord to me because I say that you are your lord. Roman Reigns might say, "We are the ones." I say, "You are the ones." So to those who gave me looks or said, "He’s in your imagination." Keep saying it! I love it because if I am a heel to you, it is better. After all, you can stick your thumb down, hold mean signs, and say what you want. As Batista once said, "You don’t have to support it, but you're going to have to deal with it." Everyone can try to close the door and try to lock it, but I will either break the door down or unlock it and take your name with me. My list is too long, but you know who you are and what should scare you. What scares me is that you are in my dreams where I smile and you scream for mercy. I do not apologize for wishing you an awful life because I am not the victim. You are the victim because someone will attack you like I have wanted to do but am way too big of a person too. I do not care to spell my name until you love or hate me. If you are neutral, all I can do is encourage you to pick the correct place to be. It is not only for Indiana, it is for everywhere, like Florida or France. At the end of the day, I will smile either way. Now that some have made me unhealed, I sarcastically thank you for making me feel bad for 15 years. I felt ugly when I just saw Shrek, but I also thank you for making me feel ugly by now seeing Donkey. You led me to self-love and, in the most bizarre way possible, you cured me! I now see a world with great friends and times that I only know to have and I don’t even have to repay you. That is the funny part. I question why people try to join them. However, I figured it out for two reasons. One, they have never met me and they do not know my story. The second reason is that they use their talent for acting in the wrongest way possible. They are using their skills to damage someone’s emotions. I’ve never done that. I never will, but they do, and I am the one considered mentally ill. I thought I’d have to be the cheer captain, but now I see that the one on the bleachers is so much better than the cheer captain. I do not need Hollywood. That is for the ones who unhealed me. It fits them because they both have a fake side to them and will do whatever they can do to gain popularity. I’m in a better group where everyone follows the first part of the Code of Conduct. In my world, no one is discriminated against, but as it should be, they are frowned upon if someone chooses to act like a jerk. This is what I call home because I get to be me with no pressure from the plane that I fly. To enter the plane, you must show a heart that we may not agree with but that we can respect. For example, if the change is not enough, you are 100% out. Each person gets what they see, whether it is the Ferrari or a 2004 Chevrolet. The big rule is, though, that pain might sneak through. You will not be able to react with your fists because we will throw them out, but we will laugh at them for spitting the lie out of their mouth. Like me, you might have to start with a bad, unhealed mindset where you live in a slum, but if you run during the race, you can still be unhealed, but now you can live in the mindset of a mansion. I could have more than the mansion, such as a girlfriend or a private jet, but it is not enough to heal me. Nothing will be enough to make me heal at all. What scares me the most is when I start to act unreal, as you can not tell. I wish that was not an option because it should not be a maybe-no or a maybe-yes. The answer needs to be a strict yes or no. I am not just going to blame them because I have just as much to blame as they do. The reasons are that I gave up and I did not want friends, as I thought the drama was not worth it. Now I see that the drama is worth the results because I have more people to talk to than I ever had in my life. Freshman year, all I saw was rain, but then sophomore year, all I saw was the fire. Nowadays, they equal each other out where it has rained on my parade, but then there is fire where it has blown on the ring of fire. As a child, I would play very orderly, and no one thought of gathering around me. During 4th grade, all I did was play games with a dog, and I organized it all. I am proud to say that, yet no one else clapped but looked at me with questions. The girls who looked like Eiza Gonzalez or Vannessa Hudgens, my childhood crush, looked at me with contempt, as if all they wanted to do was throw me on the road. If I had to guess, they probably wished I landed in a closed casket where I was buried so they could just go and stare at Terry Crews' body. If they tried to come to me these days, they would get a hand shove, then it is likely I would go to the nearest bush I could find and throw up. There have been times when I have considered hanging it up by not getting out of bed because of them, but now I see if I did they would win. They got their jolly licks out of me, and when I realized that was going to happen, it was no longer an option. I just had to live unhealed and find my group, and eventually, I did. I would have regretted it in death with the knowledge that I did not go anywhere. Just because you behind do not mean you can not be around us. You might be a mile behind us, but you are still in our area when you are around someone. I still breathe, so why couldn't someone try to heal me before I died by trying to "understand your man," as Johnny Cash would say? What is sad is that no one even shared a profit with me. They had all of the goods, but I was in the corner with just a penny. Not one person even thought of giving me a bill. It was sad, but I had to grow up on my own and pay my bills, and now I am a general. But I'm not like Santa Anna in that I don't lead people to battle, and I don't lead by power bombing someone like Gunther. The way I lead is by upgrading their own lives. At least I think I am because I’ve not received a thank you and to be honest with you, I do not want one. Being unhealed, there are times when you feel like you are a failed creation. That is far from the truth because someone put you on the earth for a purpose, but what is it? That is what we need to find out, and I think we should find it because we get to be happy in a cruel world. While unhealed, it is a hard life where if we miss out, we’ll find substitutes to make us feel that we are getting the experience. If that does not work, then we go to option two, where we get the experience behind society’s back. Society does not have to fully take over us. We might have to turn a new corner to show we are worthy, but we always get there. In the end, we get to paradise and we find out who we are. It gets to the point where we will not go down until the sun comes up. To end feeling unhealed is alright because I am unhealed and will never change it. If someone thinks about it, the sun and I have something in common, and that is that we both burn.