Knowing How To Celebrate

 Celebrate…. The word that someone feels when they are fulfilled with excitement and joy. I wish I knew how to do that with this business entirely. It is because of the past each time I did, everyone glared at me. When that happened, I closed the refrigerator where I could cool down because when I shut down I got nervous and felt embarrassed when I got proclaimed guilty. I do jump for joy, but I do as quietly as I can because I am too scared I’ll get the mean and nasty looks like I once upon a time did. It has led me to paint where it is a challenge for me to show emotions that are good or bad. The only way I know to say it is to say how I feel without moving my mouth. Each stare is a previous scar that they are trying to reopen by scratching my skin until I bleed out. I can’t even celebrate when I do not know how this celebration is worth my time. It may be the party goes right one day, but then the next day the party goes wrong and it is where I just want to leave the plan I made. The only way someone can rehabilitate this sickness is to show your initiative because as they say, “actions speak louder than words.” It is also hard to tell with your tunes, as I cannot see if the tracks are running correctly or incorrectly. It is a 24/7 replay. When I see the red in you bursting out, I lost the power to enjoy the moment because the next day the utopia is erased and it was just a memory that I want to burn. If you question the way I have a ball, then I wish you to leave me alone and mind your own business. I do not have enough time to question how I live in the great times because I am too busy living in the time frame. Sometimes I have lucky breaks and tough breaks and believe me, I have more tough breaks. However, what I do is do my absolute best to flip the switch and turn the tough breaks into lucky breaks. That is what I’ve done and the results are me living a tremendous and purposed life. I have shredded tears before, but I now see that it will not get me anywhere. I still meltdown but it is not with bursting tears. It is now with silent emotions that you have to investigate. I now feel bulletproof if you try to shoot because it is a force field that I am only surrounded by. After all, I do not shed happy tears. Yes, I’ve been Edge and said loudly “I’m going to WrestleMania” twenty times and the best is no one has to see it because just like it is my privacy, it is my time. The celebration is me acting in on the holiday. Thank god no one in America controls how I will be happy. Maybe they control what is right or wrong, but who says I cannot be a happy crier or a happy sweater? You are being delirious if someone controls what celebrating. Sometimes the inappropriate response is the response. It is your style that you can present at a fun time. I’m done with celebrating a traditional skeptical way. I do not see why you cannot party on your own. It may not make society happy, but it is your day and your celebration. There can be the cake you may not get icing but you will have a great chocolate cake that is only for your stomach and there is no problem with that. When someone hops on the boat with me, I am not just happy but I am sad because all I see is another piece of my heart flushed down the toilet. People say drinking sometimes is the best answer to forget. If that is the case, then I should’ve been sipping Jack Daniels a long time ago. I do not agree with them at all because I have moved on with bad relationships with no alcohol consumed. I have my technique, which is where I Baron Corbin them. I still have youth in me because as an old man, my way of celebrating will be like a teenage dream. The way is crazy, as I wouldn’t be surprised if someone got injured with a chainsaw or fireworks. It might get to where you become deaf because of the DJ, and the crazy DJ is me who refuses to leave my playlist alone. The way I see my celebratory environment is like a fun type of war layout. This is the only environment where I feel alive, as I am under control and there is no one taking over my breath. I would say my environment, like me, cures the blues. I have these once a year in October because most oddly it brings people together where we all forget about the stresses we all have and I think the guests do not want the music to stop. The hard part is falling for their beauty and keep getting let down because they’ve wrapped me around their finger and I know it, but what I am proud of is that I can cut the noose. They might take the party, but they are taking the army that is in the moments I create. The ones who think I should just go out more than I do, then please move it because I am busy thinking about how I can celebrate at my fort. My parties are windmills as you spin your head and wonder what comes out of the speaker or what will happen and that is a feeling that will never go away. I might give clues or hints but the answer is on the waited list for 5 seconds. You can bring what you wish, but I do not need the jewelry. I make it simple and cheap. Each person flies like Jimmy Snuka or gets stunned like a Stone Cold Stunner, but it is not a bad stunner, it is the stunner you want to receive. It is hard for me not to call because of my past as more have abandoned than stayed put. If it was up to me, I’d grab my phone and call or text them every day. Just the touch of them makes me feel safe, as I know they care enough to be here. It should be no one’s business to see how I enjoy my leisure time because when I celebrate there are no illegal acts. Focus on those who have illegal actions. Also, you have earned yourself into the loyalty chart because what the others know is it is a test where you pass or fail. Failing does not lead me to sinisterness, but it leads me to throw up because I took the time for you, and all it was just a bunch of garbage. After you leave in the dumpster, I do not have questions because you have identified everything that needed to be answered. It washed away all I want you to be in my life and go down the drain where you can float into someone else that is a better match. I see you as an annoying zombie at an amusement park. While others may dress as Frankenstein at my party, there is no Frankenstein allowed. Celebrating allows me to release a Jekyll side where it is not evil but a nutty side, and Hyde goes to sleep for the night. I am also a sandstorm where you may not see my Jekyll side but you do whirl your brain and think that “Wow! This is not the guy I know.” I may not know how to do some skills, but this is a skill that I have and do not have. It is truly a bad romance that comes with its difficulties. There is a beast inside the cage that I cannot let out because he is inadvertently destructive where the beast brings too much and it scares the troops away. Stopping it is hard because it goes by fast. Since I do not know how to enter and exit a conversation, I wish it could not stop so I know it never ends. Their presence is the candy that I want to keep and not eat or lick. One day I hope to drive so we can celebrate on a boat as most adults do. It is also time to follow in my mother's footsteps and do what she did. There are never enough second chances for me to keep trying to stop myself from enjoying my company. Someone has used wrong though the word celebrates many times. We have Black History Month and Mental Health Awareness Month but I hate them not because we should not celebrate them but because I think they should be celebrated 365 days and not just a month. I respect they take time for me because they could do something important, yet here they are taking their time for me. It is a feeling I am still getting used to because few did or did. Am I afraid they’ll leave me? Yes, but do I care? No. It is up to them. Staying or leaving does not bother me because I am immune to the feeling of no one coming. The 16 tons of bricks fell when I realized it is fine to party on your own. If I am not enough? So be it. I am enough and do not agree there is a door where you can leave and not see me again. I will not take it personally. I haven’t for 15 years so why now? I’ve estimated how much to get for everyone and it has worked. The funny part is I did no math. I do not know what I was thinking when I got the items for a celebration. It is also hard work but I am always happy to see myself or someone in the dirt then, after texting 865, to say that they enjoyed their time and me. My celebrations are the songs of the Midwest as every midwestern would say “This is the way we Midwesterners party.” It is a sweet feeling knowing this because I may not be liked for it by everyone, but I am respected for it. It may be in October, but it gives you the May-August feelings. I act like a fool in both ways, but what I like is remembered. I will always have them until my death comes. If you come, I can guarantee that you will live the good life and you will get into the groove. However, there is a serious side because, earlier, this is the only way for me to tell if they are in or out. People say they build naturally, but that is not how I operate. It is a yes or a no. What does the word acquaintance mean? The minute that I cannot do these tests at all, then I do not want to be in that world with friends. When you are and we can celebrate, know it could be so much personality that you cannot handle me dancing at a fancy restaurant. I will not be the goody-two-shoes that some love. What breaks me is that they turn me down when you have not met me. Try spending 24 hours with me and then decide. What you have to do is make it hot in here or if you're not going to, then move and get out of the way. That some people see me as a treat just baffles me to this day. It is a feeling that makes little sense at all. I should be happy about it, but I am not fully as the new Sam misses the old Sam peace he had where no one bothered him and I had to worry about who and who did not come to my party. I might be the clean-cut person but I am one attractive slob that someone will fall in love with because the clean-cut guy is not for everyone. Are they coming with me after the party? That bothers me after the party because the next day they are tired or weirded out. I’ve never danced with a girl at a social event because I hear “No thanks.” While I respect their decision, why say no if it is for fun and when we do not have to continue after we’re off the dancefloor? It is a shame because I know I am sexy and I put my hands up. To end my tangent, if you believe you are worthless, try again because it is time for you to celebrate yourself and let your inner tree grow. Make your voice heard even if there are consequences. You can ride the highway. It will be full of corners and, turns but we can celebrate on the hill with our fingers pointing to the sky. It will be hot as the Sun rises, but it is the hot feeling that everyone loves. The climb will be a butt burner, but it’s your climb. There is no time pressure and now when you reach the top you can go berserk.