Picking Up the Phone

Each person probably has one phone call a day. However, as a man on the spectrum, I must say that it is taken for granted because in my lifetime I have never received a call from any of the friends that I have or had. It is great that they utilize texting for me, but I question if I am worthy of a phone call. It hurts and it makes me depressed when I see that someone is on the phone and I can tell that they are conversing just like they would if you saw them in person. It is not all them, though, because they are not the ones fully responsible. It is also me because I am nervous about the phone due to the conversation feeling as if we were somewhere together. It is a barricade for me, but I know people who are more comfortable talking because there is no eye contact involved, as you just hear a voice. Furthermore, I must admit the voice is a challenge because there are no emotions to be seen. As a person who is autistic, I must see you to know what you are truly thinking. You know where I am, but come find me among the pigeons, where I can see daylight for the first time in my life. The freedom I have on the phone makes me sweat due to the stakes being raised. The stakes are raised because I question what to say and what to say next without offending someone. The music I hear when I am on the phone can be too fast at times. All I hear are blurbs and holes that cannot be filled. Also, are they trying to talk to me or do something to me? That is a question that I will never answer during the conversation between me and the person on the other line. I try to take my time and slow down on the phone, but it is sometimes not possible with a monotone and a fast voice to make people believe you are speaking a foreign language. The cool part is, though, after I am off the phone, I feel relieved and happy because I passed the test and I just improved my communication at the end of the day. To conclude, it will always be me vs. the phone, but I know that I come out on top. It is tough at times to focus, but I have learned to be in the zone where I can now be determined to hear what everyone is saying on that electronic device that is so small at home but massive everywhere else.